Hello, I'm French, I had to write a text in English someone could correct it or tell me if it's good


If I were a superstar, I would get involved in associations to help people in precarious situations and sick children. I will do concerts, charity events to collect donations. I will go out into the field to do voluntary work, I will help prepare meals and distribute them, I will participate in the management of these associations, I will seek subsidies from various organisations. I would also get involved in the fight against women's inferiority, being a woman myself, I would fight to defend our rights, I would organise demonstrations. I will defend all women victims of aggression, I will listen to their stories and I will do my best to see that justice is done.

No woman should be inferior to a man or submissive. The world may be changing but the inequalities are still far too great.

Relax

Respuesta :

lvvies

English

The text seems to use "i" way too much such as I would and I will. Also has way to many run on sentances such as "I will go out into the field to do voluntary work, I will help prepare meals and distribute them, I will participate in the management of these associations, I will seek subsidies from various organisations."

I revised your original essay.

If I were a celebrity, I would get involved in associations to help people in precarious situations. With the concerts I host, the money that goes toward it will go directly to charity programs. Another thing i'd like to do is go out and volunteer for my cominuty by helping prepare meals for citizens who are in need. I will seek subsidies from various organisations for my community. Also, I will get involved in the fight against women's inferiority. Being a woman myself, I would fight to defend our rights by organizing different demonstrations. I can be the woman who actually listens to their stories.  Women can rely me when they are in need of help of different, major circumstances. No woman should be inferior to a man or submissive. The world may be changing but the inequalities are still far too great.

French

Le texte semble utiliser trop de "i", comme je le ferais et je le ferai. A aussi beaucoup couru sur des phrases telles que « j'irai sur le terrain pour faire du bénévolat, j'aiderai à préparer les repas et à les distribuer, je participerai à la gestion de ces associations, je chercherai des subventions auprÚs de divers organismes. "

J'ai révisé votre essai original.

Si j'Ă©tais une cĂ©lĂ©britĂ©, je m'impliquerais dans des associations pour aider les personnes en situation de prĂ©caritĂ©. Avec les concerts que j'anime, l'argent qui y est consacrĂ© ira directement Ă  des programmes caritatifs. Une autre chose que j'aimerais faire est de faire du bĂ©nĂ©volat pour ma communautĂ© en aidant Ă  prĂ©parer des repas pour les citoyens dans le besoin. Je vais chercher des subventions auprĂšs de divers organismes pour ma communautĂ©. Aussi, je m'impliquerai dans la lutte contre l'infĂ©rioritĂ© des femmes. Étant moi-mĂȘme une femme, je me battrais pour dĂ©fendre nos droits en organisant diffĂ©rentes manifestations. Je peux ĂȘtre la femme qui Ă©coute rĂ©ellement leurs histoires. Les femmes peuvent compter sur moi lorsqu'elles ont besoin d'aide dans des circonstances diffĂ©rentes et majeures. Aucune femme ne devrait ĂȘtre infĂ©rieure Ă  un homme ou soumise. Le monde est peut-ĂȘtre en train de changer mais les inĂ©galitĂ©s sont encore bien trop importantes.